We’ve all experienced the feeling of “missing out” from time to time. Your friends are going out, but you need to stay back and study. You see spring break photos flooding your Instagram feed, but you don’t have the funds to plan a getaway. A new iPhone comes out, but your current device works fine. There’s a huge sale at your favorite store, but you don’t need new clothes right now. These are just some examples that might lead you to feel left out or even fearful of missing out. Commonly known as FOMO, “fear of missing out” often looks like this:

What if I miss out on all the fun? What if I miss my chance at a great deal? What if others judge me for not going or taking the leap?

For some people, the fear of missing out becomes a fear of missing out on something even better. Also known as FOBO, a “fear of better options” occurs when a person worries that there is something better out there, causing stress around making decisions and a fear that they will miss out on a better choice. More than likely, you’ve experienced this too. You’re unsure what to order for dinner, scared you might regret your choice. You scroll Netflix to find the perfect Friday-night film, but can’t commit to one movie because there might be a better option. You want to dive into the dating scene, but fear commitment in case a better match is out there.

What if I make the wrong choice? What if something better comes along?

FOBO has always existed in theory, but the phrase has only recently emerged, most prominently used among younger populations.

FOMO vs. FOBO Definitions

“Fear of missing out” (FOMO) and “fear of better options” (FOBO) are psychological phenomena characterized persistent fear of missing out on experiences, events, and opportunities for something better or something great. They are both associated with the plaguing question of, “What if?”

While FOMO and FOBO share a lot of similarities, let’s break down the definition of each:

• FOMO, or fear of missing out, is a worry or belief that other people have more than you (e.g. more fun, success, love) and/or that you are losing out on positive experiences. Often fueled by social media, FOMO is a fear that you’re missing out on something happening and a desire to be part of a group experience.
• FOBO, or fear of better options, is the anxiety that something better is out there, making it very difficult for a person to make decisions or commit to existing choices. According to Patrick McGinnis, who coined both of these terms, FOBO is specific to situations where there are perfectly acceptable options in front of you, but you struggle to choose one in fear of a better alternative.

What are the signs of FOMO?

FOMO can look different for everyone, but it generally involves a pressing worry that you’ve been excluded from something great, or that others are enjoying something better than you in that moment. FOMO can stir up feelings such as:

• Jealousy 
• Sadness
• Anxiety
• Shame
• Inadequacy (i.e. not feeling “good enough”)
• Stress
• Loneliness
• Regret that you’re not doing more with your life

With all these emotions riled up, FOMO has the ability to cloud your intuition and decision making, causing stress and pressure to do something different. FOMO is a muddled perception, in a way, that others have a better life (when in reality, that may not be the case). It can cause intrusive thoughts, negative self-talk, and body tension. FOMO can cause people to constantly scroll social media, checking in on what others are doing, and compare lives side-by-side. It can also lead people to make rushed decisions, or have difficulty saying no, in fear they might miss out.

What are the signs of FOBO?

FOBO can also have different manifestations, but typically involves immense and enduring indecisiveness. People who struggle with FOBO struggle to make choices, fearing a better, alternative option exists. FOBO often looks like:

• Overanalyzing, in efforts to make a perfect decision
• Creating constant lists of “pros” and “cons”
• Waiting until the last minute to make a decision
• Avoiding commitment, whether in relationships, a career, or purchases
• Second-guessing things constantly, wondering if they should have chosen differently
• Feeling dissatisfied with choices, wondering if there was a better alternative

In a world with seemingly endless choices, FOBO is the badgering feeling that causes people to hesitate or freeze up when making decisions. They fear a “perfect” choice might be out there (and arise), disrupting their ability to commit to a choice in the moment. This can pertain to big decisions like romantic relationships and job offers, as well as smaller decisions like choosing what TV to buy or what food to eat at a restaurant.

The danger of FOBO is that it does not just affect one person. Because those experiencing FOBO exist in a world of “maybes” and “what ifs,” they tend to string other people along or alienate those around them. FOBO, in this sense, can also impact relationships, creating distrust and tension among people.

But this isn’t the only way that FOBO and FOMO impact people. For those experiencing these phenomena, FOBO and FOMO can also disrupt a person’s mental health.

How do FOMO and FOBO affect your mental health?

Both FOMO and FOBO can be signs of an underlying anxiety disorder. If you’re experiencing significant stress, having difficulty making everyday decisions, feeling exhausted by constant comparisons, and feeling an impact on your relationships, it’s likely that a deeper-seated anxiety disorder is the cause.

However, the reverse may also be true. Many experts believe that chronic FOMO or FOBO can lead to mental health issues. FOMO and FOBO increase a person’s stress levels, putting them in a constant state of anxiety. Those afflicted often feel dissatisfied with their lives, feeling they could be doing more or better, leading to feelings of self-doubt and inadequacy. Because FOBO and FOMO can disrupt relationships, this can also lead to isolation and loneliness. When left unaddressed, these feelings can lead to the development of anxiety disorder and/or depression. 

As Patricia Dixon, a psychologist who interviewed with HuffPost, explains: “Mentally, FOBO can contribute to anxiety and depression, as the constant search for better options prevents individuals from fully enjoying their present circumstances.” She continues, “This mindset fosters dissatisfaction and can erode self-trust, leading to procrastination and indecisiveness. In relationships, this fear can hinder personal growth and connection.”

Racine Henry, a licensed marriage and family therapist, adds: “FOBO can lead to an anxiety or personality disorder developing, the symptoms could result in loss of appetite and sleep, which could lead to physical illnesses.” FOBO could also lead to the “loss of opportunity or relationship” she continues, “if the decision to be made is about taking a job or accepting a marriage proposal.”

How can you cope with FOMO and FOBO?

FOMO and FOBO can quickly become a cycle, leading to unhappiness, frustration, overwhelm, exhaustion, and anxiety. To break this, experts recommend the following tactics:

• Listening to your instincts and trusting yourself
• Embracing the imperfect and decisions that are “good enough”
• Practicing mindfulness and gratitude
• Setting priorities and simplifying your options
• Channeling negative thoughts into positive ones
• Limiting or stopping social media use
• Seeking counseling or therapy

If you or a loved one is in a constant state of FOMO, FOBO, anxiety, or depression, know that professional support is available. While FOMO and FOBO are not clinical conditions, they can signal underlying mental health disorders and prevent a person from feeling happy in their life. Turnbridge is here for you. With clinicians specialized in anxiety disorders, depression, and other related conditions, we can help guide you in finding the right support for your needs. Contact us at 877-581-1793 to learn more.